It Won't Be Like This For Long....

I don't usually go into a lot of detail about all these things with most people, but tonight I was hit so strongly with the feeling that I am really going to miss these days and these moments with my sweet little boy. Lincoln has had a hard time getting to sleep lately....let me explain.

It is funny the things that you think you are going going to do when you are a parent, and then the things that you actually do once you become a parent. A lot of this varies even from child to child. I have told myself SO many times since becoming a parent that I will never again judge another parent's parenting skills or approaches. Parenting is hard work and is something that isn't set in stone or that has just one successful technique.

Our sweet son Lincoln was born a strong-willed little boy. He came on his own schedule (13 days late), and has had a strong opinion of his own ever since. He knows what he wants, and will tell you....loudly. Lincoln is also a very sensitive child, and has been this way since the moment he was born. I remember feeling so bad when he was only a few days old and I yelled at the cat for jumping on the kitchen counter. Lincoln sensed the harsh tone in my voice and got so uncontrollably upset. He is really in tune with his emotions and hates to feel left out. When you are able to focus 100% of your energy on him he will be the absolute sweetest little boy. He loves to be told when he is being a "good boy" and will give anyone a hug or a kiss if you ask him too. He loves making you laugh and always wants to help out. But, if he feels like you only giving him half your attention he hates it and will do anything he can (even if it means throwing a fit) to get your attention.

So, with that being said, let me explain some of tonight's feelings.

I delivered Lincoln (who ended up being a 10-lb baby) at a birthing center with a wonderful team of midwives. I delivered him naturally, with no drugs, and have since been a huge advocate of natural childbirth for low-risk pregnancies. When he was born, I didn't have many problems with nursing, and it was a very positive experience. I nursed Lincoln exclusively for the first 6 months (we tried cereal a little earlier, but he didn't like it, so we waited until 6 months to try again), and my goal was to nurse to 12 months and then we would go from there. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing to 12 months and beyond, and the World Health Organization recommends nursing to 24 months, plus to me, it just seemed like the most natural way to feed and bond with your child. Well 12 months came and went, and Lincoln had absolutely no desire to quit nursing. I would try to wean him and it would turn into such a battle of wills. Lincoln would cry and cry and cry until I would nurse him again. He would actually cry so hard it got to the point of dry heaving and throwing up. So, I didn't worry too much about it and just decided that we would try again in a few months. Well, for the past few weeks (Lincoln will be 20 months next week), I have been feeling like it really is time that we should try weaning again. He has only been nursing at night and naptime, but he had a really hard time falling asleep if I wouldn't nurse him.

Sheridan has been out of town for the last few days, and so I decided that I was going to wean Lincoln while Sheridan is out of town. Sheridan gets really upset when Lincoln cries, which is another reason why weaning had been unsuccessful in the past, because every time Lincoln would want to nurse (and then subsequently cry) Sheridan would just get really upset and tell me to nurse him. I knew if I was going to wean Lincoln this might be my only opportunity.

So, we have been almost 48 hours now with no nursing. And, actually, it has gone surprisingly well! I think, for Lincoln, nursing was more of a security/comfort issue than it was a food/liquid issue. Which, I know many parenting books will tell you that you are "spoiling" your child if you give them too much attention, and I personally don't agree with that. I think it is important to set boundaries with your children, but I don't think you can spoil them by giving them too much attention or attending to their cries. With that being said (like I mentioned earlier), our parenting style is very different than I thought it was going to be before I had kids, and just because we do things one way, doesn't mean I think all parents should do things the way we do.

So tonight I started the process of our new night time routine. Before when he was getting tired I would just nurse him until he fell asleep and then put him to bed. With our "new" routine, I let him have his sippy cup while we read his favorite books. I kept telling him, "we are going to read your books and then go night, night". Then I would lay down with him for a little bit in bed while we read one more of his favorite books. After reading him his book I would tell him a story (tonight it was about a little boy who was such a "good boy" when his mommy told him it was time to go night, night, and I went into great detail about all the wonderful dreams the little boy had). Last night, that worked just fine and Lincoln fell asleep (without any crying or nursing, although he did wake up again at 3am and 6am)! But, tonight, when I tried to get up his eyes snapped open and he was awake again. So, I picked him up and held him so his head was resting on my shoulder and his bum was resting on my arms. Then I sang to him and walked circles around his room while he fell asleep. It was while I was wearing circles in the carpet, and his little head kept drooping down, that I started to get really overwhelmed with emotion. Even though this is exhausting and it is hard to get up multiple times a night to try to get your little ones to sleep, it isn't always going to be like this. There is going to come a day when Lincoln doesn't want me to hold him and rock him to sleep. Now Lincoln wants me to hug him and kiss him all day long. But, there is going to come a day that he is going to be embarrassed when I try to give him a kiss and tell him I love him. I know I am going to think back to these long nights where I had to get up three times to hold him and rock him back to sleep and wish so badly I could have these moments again.

It is so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of our day-to-day routines, but I am so thankful and grateful for evenings like these that help me remember to cherish all these little moments that seem so hard.

Here is a sweet picture of Lincoln asleep in his car seat driving home from a Scentsy event I had this weekend after we had "bribed" him to be good with a chocolate chip cookie :)

"It Won't Be Like This For Long"
by Darius Rucker
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long

Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long

Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on

‘Cause it won’t be like this for long